Destiny
by Don't forget to breath
Summary: Love is such a powerful emotion, it can make us brave and help us rise against adversity or make us cowards and send us in a spiral of destruction. Always remember every decision you make affects the people in your life. WARNING: Major character death.


I have to warn you guys this is label as "**tragedy**" for a reason so if you expect a happy, fluffy ending chose another fic.

In a very short and somewhat light way I deal with love, fear, depression, social expectations and suicide and I'm sure that after reading this many will feel that I treat this very complex subjects in a mocking, shallow way but be assured that that was never my intention it's just that is impossible to explore anything in depth when you write a one-shot so I just highlighted what I considered to be the important parts and it's your duty as readers to fill what you think are _blank spaces _or_ undeveloped plot lines._

On a serious tone suicide is **NOT THE EASY WAY OUT**, believe me I've tried to kill myself a few times and I can honestly say that I was an idiot. If you are depressed (or you know someone who is) **GET HELP** even talking to a friend helps, fight for your life because there is nothing more precious than to see a new sunrise each day.

**_The Sun Always Shines After a Storm_**

* * *

Every minute that goes by seem to get burn into her mind, every minute that goes by is a step further from her biggest fantasy, her unfulfilled dream… a constant reminder of what could never be.

She cries and shouts harder than she has ever done it; gravelly sounds escape her already sore throat.

Everyone says she is the brightest witch of the century and that her future is brilliant and full of opportunities… she used to believe that, she thought she was destined to great things; she used to gush about her dreams and plans of equality for every magical race to anyone willing to listen, she had faith in herself to be the one who changed Britain closed minded elitist society and now she can't help but laugh at her naivety and simplicity, in a purely logical world her life should be perfect but real life never follows cold, mathematical logic… life is complicated, with many intricate paths that intertwined creating chaos, confusion and pain.

People praise her; they say she is the perfect combo of beauty and brains but ironically she loathes herself… she feels weak and pathetic a bookworm who's only redeeming quality resides in been able to memorize every available book.

She had always laughed at those who let their emotions rule them, the people who _"follow their hearts"_ instead of thinking logically and now she has become one of them. She searches for that cold, emotionless girl, ready to resurrect her, but she isn't sure where to find her anymore and she hates herself a little more for that. She hates that she has no will, no self-control and no self-respect when it comes to Ginebra Weasley but above all she hates not being able to hate the gorgeous red-head that stole her heart.

She was so excited to open up to her, to share her dreams and passions. Everything has been so perfect; the saccharine sweet, loving kisses, the light touches that contrasted perfectly with the heavy lustful make outs, their love making a perfect balance between rough and delicate. Hermione can't fathom how it has not been enough for Ginny while for her it had been _perfect. _

Cold fury run through her veins freezing her broken heart, her once warm eyes were replaced with chunks of ice that didn't betray her feelings… not that she felt anything else than bitterness and anger anyway. How could she forget so quickly? How could she pretend that it… that _they_ never happen?

As if it were a self-preservation mechanism the pain and rage were instantly replaced by bittersweet memories; the kisses stolen in the Quidditch field showers, in empty classrooms, desert hallways... no matter how much time it had gone by, the resentment still lingers in the back of her mind. Those encounters, no matter how passionate and loving, always left a sour taste in her mouth and she couldn't help feeling irritation towards the young witch, she hated to be her dirty little secret… someone you are ashamed to be seen with.

She screams again through her open window but the only answer is the murmur of the wind playing with the leaves of the trees. She feels alone as she falls back against her bed, tears soaking the pillow. Never in her life has she felt so frightened to be alone.

Thousands of different feelings and conflicting emotions took possession of her mind and with relentless force they advanced towards her heart to gnaw her soul until they make her a shadow of what she once had been. She looked at herself in the mirror for the umpteenth time and clenches her jaw when she sees her reflection…what Ginny had made of her … her eyes hardened; she was an outcast, a living dead. In a violent impulse she punched the mirror time after time until she broke the glass, with morbid fascination she stared at the blood running down her knuckles and the little pieces of glass incrusted in her hands tarnishing her once flawless skin; physical pain distracted her… at least for a while.

She was pale, dark purple bags were permanently fixed under her eyes, her spontaneous smile of long ago was now a perpetual grin, she had lost a few pounds, almost didn't go to class and didn't care about her appearance anymore. More than once she tried talking to her ex-girlfriend, she try to make her see that what they had wasn't a sham or an experiment, it was real, she confessed a thousand times her love and devotion to her but Ginny didn't budge and refuse to say anything more than _"I think we work better as friends than lovers"_

When asked for an explanation the young girl shrug her shoulders, close her eyes and after a sigh gave her the most charming and innocent smile she could muster…maybe she was cruel or maybe she was trying to soften the blow, with Ginny she could never be sure.

"_Hermione I'm in love and I didn't know how to tell you" _she said, tiredness and irritation noticeable in her voice. They were in the gardens and Hermione was once again trying to coax an answer from her. "_I'm in love" _those words kept repeating over and over again… Ginny hadn't give her a warning, an apology, nothing, just those awful words. She wanted to destroy everything in her path, it felt like someone had stuck a dagger in her heart and was twisting it sadistically until she bleed out.

_**Our love died**_

_**Succumbed**_

_**Is dead**_

_**Gone**_

_**Annihilated**_

_**Lifeless**_

_**Deceased**_

_**Lost**_

_**Obliterated**_

_**Buried**_

_**Why does my heart still beat?**_

_**Why do the wounds bleed?**_

Looking into the pockets of her jacket she pulled out a pack of cigarettes, her hands trembling slightly while she took it to her lips and inhaled, with a little more strength than necessary, and was instantly drowned. The smoke clouded her senses, making her feel slightly dizzy. Tasting the tobacco she abandoned herself to the feeling of the smoke burning her throat, every drag felt like a desperate attempt to keep her sanity while fighting the chaos that surrounded her.

Oddly as it sounds she founded comfort in the cold wind of the night slipping through her bones, the furious sweeps of the wind made her feel more alive than she had felt in a really long time.

A lonely tear rolled down her cheek. One more, she just needed another little moment of loneliness and weakness, just one more tear and then she could put on her mask, the one that she had mastered to near perfection and she used on a daily basis to pretend that her life was a fairy tale.

_**Masks… we use so many trying to fool others that not even we are sure which our real face is anymore.**_

She leaned back in one of the grades of the Quidditch field, the same one where they used to share their evenings when they wanted to get away from the bustle of the castle

_**Committing suicide?**_

So irrational, so absurd… so not Hermione – she said to herself trying to laugh about her illogical and foolish idea but it just further increase the cough produced by the smoke in her throat.

She gave the idea another thought, at first sight it seemed desperate and ludicrous to contemplate the idea of ending her life for something so trivial as a heart-break but the more she analyzed it and weigh the pros and cons of her actions the more she convinced herself of taking the chance.

She has nothing left to fight for; her parents are dead (killed by death eathers), the rest of her family shunned her after finding out she is a witch and except for Harry she has no other real friend (she knows that indirectly he is the reason of her actual situation but she can't blame him, he had done nothing wrong but reciprocate someone else's love) she is no fool she knows Ron is attracted to her in a physical level but he isn't her friend he just tolerates her for Harry's sake and the possibility of getting help with homework… so maybe playing the card of the broken heart lover isn't a reckless decision but the perfect ending of a hopeless life.

Many options are available and she tries to consider all of them because if this will be the end of her life she has to plan it very carefully, taking in consideration every little detail… after all she is Hermione Granger and Hermione has never been disorganized, not even with her own death;

_**DAGGERS…**_ only if she is ready to feel the slow agony of the cold metal blade penetrating her skin, stealing her life with every breath making her bleed to death.

_**HANGING… **_the air escaping from her lungs, the rope tightening around her neck until she stops breathing.

_**DROWNING**_ submerging herself in water, deprive her brain of oxygen, feeling her muscles fighting against her will.

_**HYPOTHERMIA**_ shivering, delirium, hallucinations, lack of coordination, sensations of warmth, then finally death. One's organs cease to function, though clinical brain death can be prolonged.

_**JUMPING FROM HEIGHT **_sitting in the astronomy tower watching the students as tiny spots and distant blurs was enough to make her stomach churn with fear.

_**SLEEPING PILLS (muggle or magical in the end it's the same)**_ her last dream, one from where she would never wake up. Efficient, quick and painless (well as painless as death can be)... an unimaginative cliché, only cowards' commit suicide this way.

Taking another long drag she stared at the huge quidditch pitch… ironically a sport that she hates had brought her closer to her former lover and friends and now will be the mute witness of her last minutes in the land of the living.

For them love had arrived unannounced like suddenly the last leaves of autumn wither by the frost of winter and there is nothing else to do but enduring the cold as best as possible.

Never before had she seen someone so beautiful; the young Weasley looked radiant with her muddy Quidditch uniform and sweat covered face. Without really knowing how she ended up against a wall with the taller girl just a few inches apart. She has no idea who closed the small gap between them but suddenly she was kissing Ginny's plump, soft, warm, seductive and extremely sweet lips.

For the first time her brain shut down entirely, the logic was gone and her feelings (or more primitive instincts that in this case are the same thing) took total control of her mind; maybe it happened because she enjoyed the new sensations she was experiencing, Ginny ignite a passion and fire in her soul like no one else had done it before, or because she, Hermione Jean - bookworm, know it all - Granger finally accepted that she was (and still is) deeply in love with Ginebra Molly Weasley the girlfriend of her best friend.

She throws the cigarette to the ground so hard that she ends up burying it in the grass; she pulled the hood of her cloak and took a few laps around the Quidditch field trying to clear her mind.

_**When had everything changed?**_

A sad smile appear on her face as she began to sing along a muggle song in her ipod

_**When you first left me**__**  
**__**I was wanting more**__**  
**__**but you were fucking that girl next door**__**  
**__**what did you do that for**__**When you first left me**__**  
**__**I didn't know what to say**__**  
**__**I'd never been on my own that way**__**  
**__**just sat by myself all day**_

_**See you messed up my mental health**__**  
**__**i was quite unwell**_

She remembered well ... perhaps too well when their relationship had been shattered like a mirror that is broken into a thousand pieces, when she was left in a drawer like a toy that you no longer want because you have a new and shiny one to show to your friends.

That day Gryffindor and Slytherin were playing the final for the Quidditch cup, she had never liked the sport but one of her best friends was the team captain, the other played as the keeper and her girlfriend the main chaser, they would never forgive her if she missed the game.

While sitting in the stands the brunette put down her book and looked at her girl flying; seeing her shiny, long, vibrant read hair waving in the air, making a perfect contrast with her gaze of sheer determination triggered in her mind several fantasies, unsuitable for people with cardiac problems. She was so absorbed in her own world that she didn't realized that the game was over (345 to 295 in favor of Gryffindor) until the other lions started to roar, laugh and shout to rub the house success in the face of the Slytherins.

Once in the common room she looked for Ginny with her eyes, she had a couple of "surprises" prepared for the night which involved the prefects' bathroom, a pair of handcuffs and a leather suit. That morning before the game she thought that if they won it was a great prize and if they lost what better way to cheer someone than with a marathonic sex session?... either way it was a win-win situation.

When she saw the scene that was unfolding she thought she was going to die at that exact moment… her girlfriend and her best friend were kissing in front of everyone as if there was no tomorrow and she had to use all her willpower not to blow off the whole common room or fire some nasty hexes to the lovebirds.

Finally she managed to calm her labored and shallow breath, relaying on the breathing techniques learned in her summer yoga lessons. She tried to convince herself that what she saw wasn't real; it couldn't be true because Ginny loved her, she had told her a million times that she was the only person in her life, in her heart. She must have eaten one of the Weasley Twins pranking sweets and they were causin' hallucinations or maybe Ginny and Harry were given lust potions as a joke, yeah something like that must have happened. Sure there was a reasonable and logical explanation because Ginny would never do something like that to her, not intentionally.

She excused herself by saying that she was suffering a stomachache and ran to her room. A few seconds later she heard Ginny walking up stairs, her laugh resonated in the empty side of the tower. Hermione open her door and saw the redhead pulling Harry by the hand, Hermione didn't need to be a genius to figure it out where she was taking him, boys couldn't go to the girls' room but no charm protected the males sleeping quarters…

Harry stiffened at the sight of Hermione, a huge blush covered his chicks and a sheepish smile adorned his boyish face. He walked fast to his room, not really looking if Ginny was following him.

Hermione was tempted to hex him but deep-down she knew he didn't deserve it, he had done nothing wrong. Hermione knew he was far more mature than boys his age but he was still a male teenager and he would never pass up the chance to sleep with a hot girl, besides he had no way to know that the girl who was practically dragging him to his bedroom was her best friend girlfriend.

No, Harry didn't know so no matter how easy would be to hate him and curse him Hermione couldn't really be angry with him. In fact she, despite her pain, felt happy for him because if someone deserved to be loved that was Harry, he had suffered so much.

Outside of Hermione's room, Ginny was wringing her hands together and staring at the floor, probably trying to come up with a plausible explanation.

She pound the door with force, but no one answered, exasperated she pull her wand from her pocket and forced the door open with an Alohomora.

"Hermione"

"What?" Hermione asked trying to mask the pain and anger

"Hermione I…"

"Just save it, Ginny. Not here; not now. Not with HIM in the next room"

Ginny quickly moved towards her but Hermione backed away, knocking her outstretched arm out of the way and leaving it hanging in midair. She could feel the sting of new tears forming on the corners of her eyelids. The tears leaked down across her already flushed cheeks leaving thin tracks as they went. She didn't even try to brush them away.

Hermione stared at Ginny with anger, confusion, loathing and betrayal reflected in her eyes. How could someone who had told her time and again that they loved her, do this to her? How could Ginny deceive her this way? Was she that unlovable? Was she such a bad girlfriend?

"I'm sorry you saw that" the redhead said suddenly, her face didn't betray a single emotion; not shame, no sorrow, no nothing, it just looked like an impenetrable mask of cold indifference.

"Are you bloody serious Ginebra?" she answered not believing what she heard "I've just watched how you kissed the day light out of my best friend in the fucking common room for all to see and that's the only thing you have to say?" the brunette said with a cold voice so devoid of emotion, so unlike her usual charming and sweet self that Ginny felt a stab in the heart.

Ginny duck her head in embarrassed but then watch her in the eyes

"Look Hermione ... I'm really sorry but ... I…"

"You lied to me," Hermione said emotionlessly, her tears had long dry and her voice was raspy from all the crying and shouting "You made me believe that you fucking _loved_ me and then I see you dry humping Harry!. For Merlin's sake what the fuck is wrong with you!?"

She wanted to curse her, hit her and scream at her until she lost her voice but this time her logical side overpower her instincts, she couldn't risk someone seen or hearing something… it would arise too many question, questions she didn't want to answer. Her breaths became much more rapid and she held her fists tightly, allowing her fingernails to dig into her skin.

"Im sorry Hermione… Im really sorry for the pain I've caused you but I just can't do this anymore, I think we should break up"

"What?"

"I think we work better as friends"

Several weeks had gone by, Hermione secluded herself –even more than usual if that is possible- in the library and Ginny made public her relationship with the boy-who-lived.

The redhead tried talking to her a few times, seeking forgiveness for the way they had break up and offer her friendship but Hermione just gave her the cold shoulder when she was near, ignored her when she spoke or didn't looked at her, as if she didn't exist. No one gave it a second thought, friends fight all the time or maybe they just were afraid to ask… the Weasley temper was legendary,

"Sectusempra" she shouted in a confident tone, releasing all her fury ... there was no way to repent now

_**They say love is just a game**_

_**They say time can heal the pain**_

_**Sometimes you win, Sometimes you lose**_

_**and i guess it's just a fool**_

_**i keep holding on to you**_

_**i told you once You Were the one**_

_**you know that i die for you**_

She felt as if thousands of swords tore her delicate skin, streaks of blood poured from her thin wrists, arms, their legs, the air was escaping from her lungs ... a puddle of blood could be seen around her, her heart stopped; it didn't pump anymore, she closed her eyes and a last tear slid down her face. She felt nothing no more anger, bitterness or love, she was devoid of all emotions… soon all would end, in the same place where they had shared countless memories, where they had kissed for the last time.

_**I love you more than my eyes;**_ _**  
**__**I love you more than life,**_ _**  
**__**more than the air I breathe**_ _**  
**__**and more than my mother.**_

_**Let my pulse stop if I cease loving you **_

_**You are my life and my death,**_ _**  
**__**I swear;**_ _**  
**__**I shouldn't love you,**_ _**  
**__**I shouldn't love you,**_ _**  
**__**and yet I do.**_

The news spread like wildfire in Hogwarts, no one stop talking of that, no one stop mourning and grieving.

Even Draco Malfoy, her known archenemy, show his grief over the death of the witch ... they fought on a daily basis, yell and called each other petty names displaying some sort of power game to see who was better but they tolerated and respected each other.

It was like an unspoken daily ritual; he always made her day more interesting, adding something new to her routine and removing the monotony of her day and she responded with a sharp and biting commentary, keeping him on his toes like no one else knew how to do.

If he didn't know her so well, as far as knowing her little secret (He still doesn't get how no one realized it. For merlin sake! It was so obvious), he would have thought they were doing some sort of weird foreplay before bedding each other… he wasn't ashamed in recognizing that the little witch turn him on more with her witty remarks than many of the Hogwarts girls (and more than one boy) with their lips.

Yes, Malfoy allowed himself to break his bad boy façade and a shed couple of tears for Hermione but nobody, absolutely nobody felt as bad as Ginny.

When the redhead heard Parvati screaming desperately and with a tearful face that someone had committed suicide in the Quidditch field she felt her blood froze in her veins ... could it be? But she pushed away those dark thoughts away quickly; Hermione was too rational, too _perfect_ to do a thing like that.

She sat alone on a sofa in the common room, immersed in her thoughts. Of course it was not _her_ Hermione, the girl she knew and love with all her heart. Hermione would get over her, she would go on with her life, get her dream job and who knows ... maybe one day they could be friends again, even if it meant that she would writhe with jealousy seeing someone else touching and kissing her.

She had chosen Harry because it was easier, because he was what others expected from her. Since she was a little girl her mother had ingrained on her that she should find a nice and well groomed boy to marry and have kids. It doesn't matter how strong-willed and independent she is; she knows she will never be strong enough to go against her mother's wishes.

Seeing her in the coffin beautiful as ever but pale and lifeless made the youngest Weasley shrink from pain. She is sure that if someone had ripped her heart out and given it to a hippogriff as food it would have hurt less...

Ginny stood there frozen for a few seconds, feeling anger and disgust towards herself. Hermione had given herself completely, embracing their love but she, as a vile coward, had run towards the future they all predicted for her. She had dismissed the beautiful, smart, passionate girl who had proclaimed her undying love for her and took her chances with the safe _male _bet…Harry Potter.

The red head threw herself next to the coffin and wept disconsolately, no one found her actions suspicious or out of place, after all Hermione was her _best friend_. Only a pair of accusing mercury eyes observed her with disgust and resentment, they showed no empathy for the devastated witch because they knew she was, if not the reason at least the catalyst of the brunette seemingly rush and desperate decision to take her own life. Those who saw the unveiled reproach and the anger didn't give it much thought because after all when had Draco Malfoy look at a Weasley with something else than revulsion and hatred?.

She moved closer to the older girl ears and whispered "_I love you, I will always do"_. Ginny couldn't look at the face of Hermione's friends and teachers without feeling guilt settle in the pit of her stomach, everyone was devastated by her loss. So, as usual when she couldn't deal with something, she just walked away.

Ron tried to hold her arm but she pushed him away, she wanted to be alone. Harry, and even her parents tried to embrace her but she gave them a murderous look that forced them to retreat.

Teachers and students wept and mourn their lost, all wanting and desiring to at least have said goodbye but death comes suddenly and Hermione Granger's arrived at 17 for reasons that may never be known. Now they only had emptiness in their hearts, memories in their minds and the beautiful smile of the Year Award's winner already frozen in her cold lips.

"Hi Ginny" a soft, low and sensual voice said, a warm breath tickling her ear.

The redhead looked to find the angelic voice and when golden honey eyes clashed with hers she felt her heart speeding up instantly, maybe just maybe love magic did exist outside the fairytales her mother used to read at her when she was little and somehow it was giving her a new opportunity to amend her mistakes or perhaps all this had just been a fucking nightmare.

Yes, that's it she told herself… it all had been a horrible dream, tomorrow morning she would wake up next to her, smell her mint essence and feel her soft skin. Tomorrow, like almost every day of her life, she would make love to her gorgeous girlfriend; she would have her on her arms and kiss her countless times, she would tell her how much she loved her and how she couldn't live without her. With those thoughts in mind the youngest offspring of the Weasley clan went to sleep with a radiant smile on her face.

_**A time it was**_

_**It was a time**_

_**A time of innocence**_

_**A time of confidences**_

_**Long ago it must be**_

_**I have a photograph**_

_**Preserve your memories**_

_**They're all that's left you**_

But the next day when the sun infiltrated by the window forcing her to wake up there weren't honey eyes the ones that greeted her, instead she saw two emerald orbs watching her with concern and love. The same eyes she had once adored and even believed to love. A few years later, after mulling over it for a long time and having found what real love meant, she realized that her "love" for Harry had been nothing more than a childish crush fuelled by her hero worshiping fantasy. With time she grew to respect him and love him like another brother of her already big family but now for the first time she plainly and simply hated the owner of those striking eyes.

* * *

The songs in order of appearence are

Lily Allen - Smile

Enrique Iglesias - Don't you forget about me

Joaquin Sabina - Y Sin Embargo Te Quiero (And yet I love you)

Simon and Garfunkel - Bookends


End file.
